Return to Saturn

A pretty cool picture and definitely speaks to this feeling of being in this place of the unknown, of something bigger than myself and all the adventures that await.


Explanation of Saturn Return: This is the notorious period of our life, which we hit every 30 years or so, where our life goes one of two ways — we either take off soaring like an eagle, successful, happy and financially free, or everything crumbles around us and we fall apart. Read on….

With so much movement, so much uncertainty in my life; I made an appointment to see an Astrologist in Boulder, CO. Very apprehensive and not sure what to expect. I decided to go in with an open mind. Looking back, the session opened up a new awareness and understanding of myself and where I am in my life and actually was pretty helpful.

So here is what I have learned and how I will take this with me in my 29th year of life…

I was born on January 19th 1988 in California on my parent’s vacation; I was clearly eager and ready to take on the world, sooner than was expected (6 weeks early). I am a TRUE Capricorn.

So in each of our Astrological signs, we have a SUN Sign. So here is mine and the explanation of this cosmic stuff.

Capricorn: Cardinal Earth

Ruler: Saturn

Keywords: Authority, Mastery, Completion, Organization

Functional Expression: Capable, hard-working, serious, practical, prudent, trustworthy, grounded, fun.

Dysfunctional Expression: Miserly, dictatorial, restrictive, cold, unsympathetic, reckless ambition, fear.

Many astrologers consider Capricorn to be the most enigmatic and mysterious sign of the zodiac. All of the cardinal signs indicate seats of power and in a creature with the forelimbs of a goat attached to the tail of a fish, the abyss of the ocean is combined with mountainous terrain.

The Sun in astrology symbolizes the core essence of who you are — your individuality and sense of self. It describes what is likely to motivate you, and why. The Sun Sign describes the prime focal point within the personality structure and is of major importance. Understanding and developing these aspects of self will help develop and expand your sense of authenticity. Understanding the house in which your Sun is found will give even greater detail.

I was told this and know this; I am a fiery person; I can be super enthusiastic about my life (especially when my employment and life, love relationships are in a good place). I am a hard worker, one of the hardest workers; through and through. However, when I’m not in a good place, or life hasn’t quite worked out the way I thought it would be, I get super frustrated and question everything in my life, every choice I’ve made so far. I become very impatient but also am able to handle it as long as I focus and fall back on my strength and resilience. In my line of work in the field of nonprofit/social work: I have a great quality that allows me to get calmer and calmer and handle very stressful situations. I was raised in Michigan, I had some great experiences; running a nonprofit, taking it to new incredible heights, being a youth advisor and getting my Bachelors and Masters in Social Work. When I was bored and felt unfulfilled. I applied all over the USA for lots of jobs. sooo many jobs…

Feeling pretty much not so good about my life. Have you ever experienced anything like this? How did you move forward?

After feeling pretty depressed and useless, I moved to Chicago. I got a hostess job, a few blocks away from where I was staying. I kept interviewing for more positions and out of pure luck, right on the spot, I got a Case Manager job at a pretty big social service agency, right in the heart of the city in Lakeview. It was the perfect job for me at the time. I would be working directly with low-income and homeless youth and adults with disabilities (mental, physical, emotional). I would be in a position where I can see direct results, change lives and feel good about the work I was in. On any given day, I could be helping a person connect to helpful linkages in the community (housing, food, clothing, etc.), linkages to resources and become employed to not rely on disability subsidies. Being in this job, I learned a ton about what it meant to be a Case Manager, how demanding and rewarding the work is. How broken the systems are and why there is the field of Social Work in the first place. Helping people: drafting resumes, cover letters. Pretending and faking it till I made it, growing as a writer, as a connector, as a guider and as a coach. I began to gorw into myself more.

After being there for a year and a half, I took on a new position where I was helping run the operations, programming and communication at the largest temple in the city. I left, after the job wasn’t what I thought it would be. I moved across state lines, to Colorado because it seemed like a place that I could be happier. A place where I could take a drive if I wanted to anytime and go hike the mountains.

I was told by so many people, you are so BRAVE to get up and move to somewhere where you don’t know many people and you can reinvent your life and who you are. I think for me, I needed to do it, to take the leap of faith, or else I never would. I would never know what I could be become and what my potential could be…

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Brené Brown


So here in the mountains, 29 year old “the last year of my 20s”, I am taking on a lot of changes and it will continue. I am putting myself out there, more and more. I am doing big things and being in cool opportunities that I wouldn’t have normally had if I didn’t move. I am exploring a lot about myself, I am focusing on me more than ever before and I am reinventing who I am. I am living a little bit like the movie “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” -Mahatma Gandhi

So here I am faced with many many lessons because I need to learn as much as I can before getting to the “top of the mountain.” By myself. I am at the mountains, metaphorically and in real life. I am right where I need to be but I need to embrace it, I need to present and accept this part of my life, in my Saturn return as a gift, as a blessing, as a mitzvah.

Definition of a mitzvah: a precept or commandment.

  • a good deed done from religious duty.
  • something along the lines of doing a meaningful deed; can be toward you, people you know or on a larger scale. It is entirely up to the person who is doing the “act” of kindness.

This is just the beginning of my true potential and I am happy to use this space to share my thoughts, to explore this more, as I move through this journey. I am hoping this experience helps others cope with their Saturn Return and where they are in their lives of the UNKNOWN.


We all are. We are all survivors. We have all overcome adversity. We have all had our share of battles. We have all had our moments when we’ve fallen so low we questioned if we could lift ourselves up.

Yet we have. We’ve gotten smarter, bolder, braver, and wiser from the struggles we’ve endured. Maybe not right away, and maybe not easily, but we’ve bounced back from hard times, and we’ve proven to ourselves that our spirit is stronger than anything that could threaten to break it.

Today, if you question what you can change, handle, or overcome, remember: You can do amazing things when you decide to get strong.

So are you in your Saturn Return, what have you learned? What can you share with those that are going through theirs right now?

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